Where in Washington, D.C. is Reverend Moon?: UPI, this is your leader calling

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4/07/2004

UPI, this is your leader calling

I thought I'd try my hand at translating this recent phone call between Sun Myung Moon and the president of UPI, the Rev. Dr. Chung Hwan Kwak.

Make sure that you declare certain things so that the blood lineage can be changed and people can be connected to God. ... Peace-UN has to be established...Reverend Kwak! You must understand that coming back is not an issue for you. You have to fulfill this responsibility, this is more important than coming back. You have to educate them. Teach these people about the true, genuine UN. God is the center of all these lofty ideals. We can completely pull out the root of the problems. The master of peace-UN is God.

"Forget 'editorial independence.' Instead, write a bunch of articles like this promoting my plan for a 'Religious United Nations' with me in charge."

All human beings should receive the Blessing in three stages: in the womb, later until the age of 16, and for the marriage. Also, husband and wife become one in three stages of lips, breasts and sexual organs.

"I thought I'd mention that, even though my Holy Handkerchief ceremony is a rather strict set of guidelines for sex, this should not be mistaken for a ban on getting to second base."

Eve is to remain stuck to Adam.

"The Garden of Eden continues to fascinate me as a lens through which I view all current events."

Individualism should be destroyed, and homosexuality should disappear.

"I'm guessing the Washington Post won't be reprinting this speech."

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"John Gorenfeld: The first man on the Moon"
-- Ana Marie Cox ("Wonkette," Time.com Washington editor)

"Thanks to the superb reporting of John Gorenfeld on Salon.com and his indispensable Web page, Moon's shenanigans are routinely scrutinized. Maybe some of Gorenfeld's discernment will rub off on preachers and politicians."
-- Tony Norman, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette columnist

"The scene summoned the moment in Robert Graves's "I, Claudius" when Emperor Caligula declares himself a god in the Roman Senate; a fawning solon instantly offers a prayer."
-- New York Times editorial on the Crown of Peace scandal

"I am happy that our work is being challenged and improved in consistency, openness and coordination, by the accountability your spotlight demands. I am not talking about simply removing stuff from websites..."
-- Moon spokesman the Rev. Phil Schanker

"Instead of welcoming Reverend Moon, this government put me into prison. History will reveal the truth in the future and the American government and people will realize what an evil thing they did. What will they do then? They will bow down. Again, that is the way of natural subjugation." -- Moon in 1987

"A political movement basing its appeal on old fashioned patriotism and family values simply cannot justify an alliance with a cult that preys on the disintegration of the American family and advocates allegiance to an international social order operating with cell-like secrecy."
-- Rep. Jim Leach (R-IA)